Epic Fail – Bread

Published on by Add the salt

Epic Fail: The Great Bread Pan Disaster of 2024

So, there I was, feeling like an absolute kitchen wizard. My new ceramic bread pan had arrived in all its pristine, glossy glory, and I was ready to bake the perfect loaf of bread. I had visions of golden-brown perfection, soft interiors, and an Instagram-worthy slice that would make my friends ask, “Who’s the baker behind this masterpiece?”

Spoiler alert: It wasn’t me, not today!

My excitement was palpable. I gathered my ingredients—flour, yeast, water, and the most important secret ingredient of all: optimism.

But here’s where the story takes a tragic turn: The ceramic bread pan.

I did everything the instructions said to do, to the T and I mean to the T! Because I had learned the hard way that bread and pans don’t always get along unless they’re properly prepared. I was sure I had done everything right. As I slid the dough into the pan, I thought to myself, “Look at this beautiful loaf. It’s going to be my best one yet!

I placed the pan in the oven, set the timer, and awaited my destiny. The smell of freshly baked bread filled the house, and I started to picture myself slicing through the crispy crust, butter slowly melting on each piece.

But, as all great kitchen disasters go, reality doesn’t always match the dream.

The timer beeped, and I pulled the bread out. The moment I tried to remove the loaf from the pan, I discovered the truth. The bread wasn’t coming out. It was stuck. Stuck like a bad first date. I tried gently coaxing it with a spatula, but it was like the dough had bonded with the ceramic in a way that was… permanent.

I tried running a knife around the edges, thinking I could free it, but no luck. At that moment, I realized I was staring at a loaf of bread that had officially become one with its ceramic home. It had decided to make this pan its permanent residence. I was the outsider here, trying to evict it. The dough had staged a full-on coup.

I resorted to using a spatula to literally scrape the loaf out. When I finally freed the bread (or what was left of it), it had a slightly tragic shape—more “abstract loaf” than “artisan bread.”

As I stood there, holding my sad, misshapen, slightly scorched loaf of bread, I realized one thing:

  1. Ceramic bread pans are great… until they’re not.

Lesson learned: bread may rise, but sometimes it rises in the wrong places… like inside the ceramic pan you can never get it out of.

Well, I guess there’s always tomorrow!

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16 thoughts on “Epic Fail – Bread”

  1. oh no! I’m sorry to hear about this especially since you were looking forward to working with that ceramic pan! please do another one soon – i really admire people that can make their own bread. maybe the pan had performance anxiety or something. but either way, i’m sure it’ll eventually understand its in good hands. Mike

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    1. I think it did have performance anxiety, I guess it happens 😂 I’ll try again tomorrow hopefully with better results because I really was looking forward to using this pan! Damnit! Thanks, Michael, for the vote of confidence!

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  5. Well I guess there is always a salad waiting for its croutons. But I did also hear that salt has the ability to magically form the dough back together for you if you give it the right commands. You should try it sometime it’s really crazy. 🤪😂

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      1. I appreciate that you will decide to try that out despite your skepticism. I mean we both know it’s not crazy at all, right? 🙃😂

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      3. I don’t know, maybe it’s just the part where the salt is somehow being autonomous, and moving the bread around to form it into the desired shape it wants. It’s probably that right? 😂

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